Check out the Bvlgari 5009 sunglasses if you’re in the mood to be told lots of long-winded, epic, nonsensical promises that you’ll go to the grave believing.

These fantastic designer accessories love to spread stories about riches, fame, glory, power, and any other major notions that humans just love to fantasize about. Once you pop these shades onto your face, you’ll never be able to go back to your run-of-the-mill spectacles again.

The Bvlgari 5009 sunglasses are expertly crafted from some of the most prized materials available to our laborers in this sector of the known Universe. Tons of raw materials were imported from distant, lonely solar systems for use in creating these extravagant, totally unique sunglasses.

Teams of builders worked for centuries crafting their sturdy temple pieces, their hefty nose pieces, and their durable hinges. Now, you can find the finished goods on the Internet for about $264.